Escaping Enlightenment

I been having a recurring dream recently.  I am walking through some ruins, but I don’t know where they are.  I want to say something similar to Stonehenge, but that stereotypical and this was obviously not Stonehenge.  Every small cluster of rubble had someone sitting in front of it.  The people sitting on the various piles of rubble all looked homeless.  The men had beards, their hair was unkempt, their bodies were dirty.

.. like Burning Man, only without the “art”.

Some of them watched me as I walked past, others mumbled to themselves in a meditative trance.  Some looked confused, others were relaxed.  Some seemed genuinely happy, whereas others seemed to be sad or depressed.  There was a multitude of various emotions coming from these individuals.

As I continued walking, I noticed I could see their lives when I looked at them.  Not like a montage, or a visual effect, but just a sense of understanding.  I looked at one of the men sitting there and knew that he was a banker in Missouri.  His girlfriend was pregnant and were planning on getting married.  He felt on top of the world.  His wife miscarried after six months, and he left shortly afterwords saying he needed to find Jesus.

The woman next to him was a stay-at-home mother of 3.  I saw her playing with her kids; two boys and one girl, all under 5.  She had everything she had ever wanted in life, but she wasn’t happy.  She had an affair with someone who invited her to travel the world.  She left abruptly one night, leaving only a note that she was going to spend a few years abroad.

As I looked from person to person, I noticed the same sense of discontentment in their lives.  Business executives, middle-class working stiffs, “starving artist” types, people who were terminally sick, and various others.  All of them had this one thing in common: they were completely miserable.

I attempted to speak with some of them, but noticed my words did not carry any sound.  I could hear my voice in my head, but when I went to speak it was like someone had pressed the ‘mute’ button.  No one responded to anything I said; it seemed no one even noticed I was there.

I wondered if I were dead and these people around me were other spirits.  Perhaps this is heaven?  .. or hell?

I usually wake with a start at this point, perhaps the thought of being dead startles me to conciousness.

I’m not sure what to make of this dream, but thinking about it this last week has sort of been the inspiration to change the name of my blog and the goal I have for writing.  I think, perhaps, that these people in my dreams, are the ones who run off seeking enlightenment.  The stay-at-home mom who had the affair and ran away to see the world; the one who left his wife after a miscarriage.  Perhaps these are the my interperitations of people who seem so enlightened, so wise, so free.  Perhaps, this is my mind telling me that not everything is what it seems and these people who are so enlightened sacrificed a part of their lives, a part of themselves to gain it.

Of course, it could also be my fear that some free-spirit will come and steal my wife away.  ;)

At any rate, these dreams did start the chain of thought that led me here, and led me to the thought process that one does not have to escape reality to find enlightenment.  Enlightenment won’t be found in a cave or on the beach.  One doesn’t seek enlightenment; one is either enlightened or they are not.  The ones who are seeking enlightenment are actually escaping enlightenment.

Perhaps enlightenment like any other revelation.  You return back to your normal life, perhaps a little wiser.

My revalation is that traveling the world to meditate on a cliff will not bring me any closer to spiritual one-ness. Bringing my wife and children to the aquarium, however, will most certainly bring me peace and happiness.